The Science of Pornography Addiction
The same should be true of the Law of Chastity. We should obey this law without any need for scientific validation. But it is also nice to know that there is validation from modern science.
Here are two videos that explain the huge problems in society caused by Internet Pornography. The second video builds on the first. So watch them in order..
The Demise of Guys EDITED (4 minutes)
This TED Talk explains that Boys/Men are falling behind Girls/Women in all aspects of our modern life. The cause being pornography. I have edited out parts of the original which made me feel uncomfortable.
The Great Porn Experiment EDITED (15 minutes)
This TED Talk explains why pornography is so addictive, especially in boys and younger men. I have edited out parts of the original which made me feel uncomfortable.
Liken The Scriptures
We are asked to liken the scriptures to ourselves in our personal situations (1 Nephi 19:23).
Here is a thought shared by John Bytheway regarding how God might react to our actions towards our wives or girlfriends when they call us to repentance.
John suggests that we take 1 Nephi 1:24-27 and change the gender from male to female; and here is how it reads:
"Rebel no more against your wife/girlfriend, whose views have been glorious, and who hath kept the commandments....
I exceedingly fear and tremble because of you, ... for behold, ye have accused her that she sought power and authority over you; but I know that she hath not sought for power nor authority over you, but she hath sought the glory of God, and your own eternal welfare.
And ye have murmured because she hath been plain unto you. Ye say that she hath used sharpness; ye say that she hath been angry with you; but behold, her sharpness was the sharpness of the power of the word of God, which was in her; and that which ye call anger was the truth, according to that which is in God, which she could not restrain, manifesting boldly concerning your iniquities.
And it must needs be that the power of God must be with her, even unto her commanding you that ye must obey. But behold, it was not she, but it was the Spirit of the Lord which was in her, which opened her mouth to utterance that she could not shut it."
Perhaps we might ask ourselves, does that scripture ring true for me in my current situation?
Recovery Is Like A Jigsaw Puzzle
At the meeting, we share our newly found pieces with each other. I may have a piece that you need and you, likewise, may have a piece that I need.
The more pieces of the puzzle that are shared with each other, the clearer and more beautiful the image of recovery will become.
But if we do not attend the meetings regularly, we may miss important pieces of the puzzle being shared by others.
Step 12 -- The Guy In The Library *
THE GUY IN THE LIBRARY
I was sitting on the second floor of the library and sat next to this guy who was browsing the web with unusually small windows. I immediately thought of how I've peeked at inappropriate material on school computers in a public venue using smaller windows.
Being the nosy person I am, I wanted to see if this guy had similar issues to me. So I looked at what he was looking at. He was looking at NBA stuff. But then he did a google image search on something inappropriate.
I suddenly got a very sad feeling. I thought I'd feel better knowing I was right, but I felt worse instead. My heart ached for this guy. So, I was inspired to whip out my yellow legal pad and I addressed a note to him.
MY NOTE
"Hey Man, ..." I explained that I was an addict and that whether or not he was, was none of my business. But, that I acknowledged that I've been in the same exact situation--ritualizing, and browsing inappropriate media on a public computer, with someone sitting next to me.
I told him that I hurt for him, and that I was there for him. I left my name and number, and a reference to fightthenewdrug.org in case he didn't feel comfortable reaching out. I told him I'd support him in any way possible.
I folded it up like a letter, slid it towards him, tapped him on the shoulder (he was using earphones) and said, "Hi, my name is Cody. I hope you're not offended or embarrassed."
Then I went to class.
HIS RESPONSE
I checked my phone after class. I received this text message,
When I read your note I immediately started to cry. Instead of being condemning it was understanding. I just thought wow someone cares enough to help me. I thought I was the only crazy person who was crazy enough to do that. I started off with good intentions to do school stuff and then I slowly got too complacent."
we need to pray daily
and study and read from the Book of Mormon -- daily!
Prophetic
Promises Concerning the Book of Mormon
·
“The Book of Mormon is filled with truth. If you read it daily,
you will have more truth and power in your life…. if
you will feast on the words of Christ found throughout the Book of Mormon, I promise that you will have greater power to resist temptation,
increased ability to receive revelation, and greater capacity to deal with the
challenges of life” (President Russell
M. Nelson, Facebook, August 4, 2019
·
“I promise that as you
prayerfully study the Book of Mormon every day, you will make better decisions—every day. I promise that as you ponder what
you study, the windows of heaven will open, and you will receive answers to
your own questions and direction for your own life. I promise that as you daily immerse yourself
in the Book of Mormon, you can be immunized
against the evils of the day, even the gripping plague of pornography and other mind-numbing addictions” (President
Russell M. Nelson, “The Book of Mormon: What Would Your Life Be Like Without
It?” Ensign, November 2017).
·
“When
I think of the Book of Mormon, I think of the word power. The truths of the
Book of Mormon have the power to heal, comfort, restore, succor, strengthen,
console, and cheer souls” (President Russell M. Nelson, “The Book of Mormon:
What Would Your Life Be Like Without It?” Ensign, November 2017).
·
“I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents
will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves
and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate
our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase;
mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of
contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and
wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their
parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of
Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy,
and happiness” (President Marion G. Romney, “The Book of Mormon,” Ensign, May
1980, 67).
·
President
Gordon B. Hinckley promised that as we read the Book of Mormon, there
are great “daily promises.” He said, “there will come into your lives
and into your homes an added measure of the Spirit of the Lord, a strengthened
resolution to walk in obedience to His commandments, and a stronger
testimony of the living reality of the Son of God” (President Gordon B.
Hinckley, “A Testimony Vibrant and True,” Ensign, August 2005).
·
“There
is a power in the [Book of Mormon] which will begin to flow into your lives the moment you begin a serious
study of the book. You will find greater
power to resist temptation. You will
find the power to avoid deception. You will find the power to stay on the strait
and narrow path...When you begin to hunger and thirst after those words, you
will find life in greater and greater abundance.” (Ezra Taft Benson, The
Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1989], 54).
How to Avoid a Relapse
How to Avoid a Relapse
When being tempted or triggered:
- Make a plan: It needs to be specific.
- Write down your plan: If you just keep it in your head, it will just be wishful thinking.
- Share your plan with a trusted friend--either your sponsor or someone in your group.
- Review your plan during the week.
- Follow your plan each time you are tempted.
- Report back how it's going to the person you shared your plan with.
- Reevaluate your plan: If the plan didn't work right, revise it.
- Go back to #2.
What Works and What Doesn't
In overcoming an addiction, some things work well and some things just don't.
- I had a friend who wanted to stay sober so he could attend the sealing of his sister. He made it. But he relapsed the night after the sealing. You see he met his goal. So he let down his guard and rewarded himself.
- I have a friend who wanted to attend the temple with his younger brother when he received his endowments. Well, he made it to his goal. But you already know what happened afterward.
- I know more than one guy who wanted to stay sober so he could get married in the temple. That was his goal. Well, each of those guys met their goal. But each relapsed within weeks of getting married.
Plus when we set a sobriety goal, our reptilian brain, remembers that goal and says: "I can probably wait till that date, and then I'll get my reward."
- Attend at least one ARP meeting a week and be consistent.
- If I attend more than one meeting a week, at least I should make one of them my "home group." Get to know the guys -- get their phone numbers, etc.
- Reach out to other guys and ask for help or reach out and offer help.
- When I reach out, I bless TWO lives. (This ought to be scripture) :-)
- The opposite of addiction is connection. Reach out to someone at least once a day.
- When tempted, use PMS: Pray, Move (go for a walk, etc), and get Support (call or text someone)
- Do my dailies DAILY! Include as a minimum, sincere prayer and reading the Book of Mormon.
- Meet with my bishop on a regular basis.
- Ask for a blessing on a regular basis. Every time I meet with my bishop I ask for a blessing.
- Be accountable to at least one other person, daily if possible.
- Read my patriarchal blessing often (every Fast Sunday).
- Fast with a purpose and do it more than just on Fast Sunday.
- Give service to others and forget myself.
- Do NOT isolate!
Beware of Open Gates
Learn Who You Really Are
I read this quote this morning during my dailies, and I felt I needed to share it with you!
Learn for yourselves who you really are. Ask your Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, how He feels about you and your mission here on earth. If you ask with real intent, over time the Spirit will whisper the life-changing truth to you. Record those impressions and review them often, and follow through with exactness.
I promise you that when you begin to catch even a glimpse of how your Heavenly Father sees you and what He is counting on you to do for Him, your life will never be the same!
The above quote is from a talk President Nelson gave to the young adults of the Church at a Worldwide Devotional • January 10, 2016
Feeling the Holy Spirit
Feeling the Holy Spirit
The Thorn in My Flesh
I love this talk!
As you watch and/or read Brad's talk, think of it in terms of our recovery from addiction.
As he explains, just as practice, practice, and more practice is needed to learn to play the piano.
Practice is also needed in our learning how to recover from addiction.
If we hit a wrong note, we don't go back to day one, we just continue to practice—one day at a time.
I will give two links to this talk.
The first is the full talk—31 minutes. I recommend the full talk.
https://youtu.be/yLXr9it_pbY?t=17
The second link is for a condensed version of the talk—11 minutes.
If you don't have time for the full talk, watch this version:
After watching or reading this talk, I'd appreciate hearing from you in the comments.
Choosing a Marriage Partner
Don't Be Discouraged
Behold, he who has repented of his sins,
he same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.
D&C 58:42
Don't be depressed or discouraged because you aren't errorless.
You do make mistakes, and if they are serious mistakes, you repent.
Well, even if they are little mistakes, you repent.
That is why you have an eraser; that is why you have a delete key on your keyboard.
Those things are part of life.
You make judgments, and you make corrections as you go.
--President Russell M. Nelson
REAL
Triggers & REAL Boundaries *
I want to define healthy boundaries for myself by pondering upon triggers, determining safe boundaries to avoid the triggers (instead of trying to resist them), and sharing them with a sponsor.
Then communicate with my sponsor within 4-8 hours if I cross one of those boundaries. I feel this will enable me to have a healthier relationship with accountability and thus assist me in confessing before relapsing.
With
that said, here are some of the triggers and correlating boundaries that I have
created to this point.
Triggers: Browsing Online
1.
Reading material/articles online that are either suggestive
outright or I know will lead to seeing that kind of material suggested.
2.
Watching movie trailers in succession with the ulterior
motive to "accidentally" happen upon triggering material. Or even
seeking that suggestive/triggering material outright.
3.
Looking up details about actors/actresses.
4.
Being alone watching something on a computer.
5.
Using messaging GIFs to "stumble upon"
triggering material.
Boundaries: Defining and committing to internet/phone usage
1.
I commit to limiting my internet usage to work use, study,
and pre-defined entertainment.
2.
I commit that free-range entertainment (movies, videos,
etc.) will only be done alongside my wife. Entertainment on the BYUtv app is acceptable
alone.
3.
I commit to forgo usage/searching GIFs on any online
platform.
4.
I commit to never bring my phone with me into a bathroom
stall (I expect there to be instances where I am out in public and cannot place
the phone elsewhere, in this case, I commit to reaching out to my sponsor prior
to entering the bathroom, letting him know and then reporting back afterward
without using it)
* A good friend sent me this content and gave me permission to share it.
It’s a great example of using boundaries instead of just barriers to avoid acting out!
Check out my post on Barriers vs Boundaries
Two Great ARP Fireside Talks
February 2023 Fireside — Speaker: Riley and ARP Facilitator
June 2023 Fireside — Speaker: Devin an ARP Facilitator
Let Me Share A Secret
- Feeling lonely
- Feeling sad
- Feeling hurt
- Feeling weak
- Feeling ugly
- Feeling unloved
- Feeling helpless
Fasting to Overcome Addiction
When was the last time you fasted—other than Fast Sunday? Here are some thoughts to consider: